


Peeps of Destruction

by faithharkness



Series: MWOVerse [1]
Category: Doctor Who, Merlin (TV), Torchwood
Genre: Gen, Hannah knows everyone, OFC - Freeform, mentions of characters from other fandoms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-19
Updated: 2015-03-19
Packaged: 2018-03-18 16:04:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3575468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faithharkness/pseuds/faithharkness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A bored Hannah Summers-Fogg is a dangerous Hannah Summers-Fogg.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Peeps of Destruction

**Author's Note:**

> I was supposed to be working. And then bookwrm89 sent an e-mail to me, teachwriteslash and miladydragon, in which she talked about Peep jousting and said Hannah had to do this in the MWO verse. So I wrote 1,400 words of crack.
> 
> Chronologically, this takes place before the events of _Murder Will Out._

It is an unwritten rule in the department—scratch that, it _was_ an unwritten rule until she went to another floor's break room, so it then became a written rule (posted in signs with luminous blood red letters)—that Hannah Summers-Fogg is not allowed to use the microwaves in the break rooms.

This all came about, as these things do, when she and Jack Harkness were stuck at their desks overnight because, while they were both incredible detectives with a passion for their work, they were total crap at paperwork. Unless it dealt directly with apprehending the suspect, their paperwork tended to fall by the wayside until DI Noble threatened to superglue them to their chairs until they finished their reports. DI Noble had actually once superglued Jack to his chair but Jack, being Jack, calmly stripped out of his trousers and worked the rest of the day in his pants, shirt, waistcoat, and socks and boots. Jack has the office chair, still with trousers glued to it, in his flat. After this debacle, Noble called both detectives into her office for a meeting; to this date, no one has disclosed what happened, or what was threatened, in this meeting, but now when Noble tells them they need to spend a day finishing their paperwork, Summers-Fogg and Harkness both take the day (or night, or both) and get their paperwork done.

This is not to say that they do it in a particularly orderly fashion, or that they do not get bored while doing it. As anyone who has met her will tell you, a bored Hannah is a dangerous Hannah. The beginning of this particular rule for Hannah (there is a rumor that there exists a list kept by a secretary of things they've learned Hannah Summers-Fogg is not allowed to do or be near, but no one has claimed authorship, nor been able to lay hands on it) happened on an evening near Easter. And while Hannah generally eschewed organized religion, she is an opportunist when it comes to reasons for purchasing candy. She has a false bottom in one of her desk drawers (booby-trapped so I wouldn't if I were you) beneath which she keeps her stash of work candy. And because it was near Easter, on this particular night, that stash included several boxes of Peeps.

"Jaaaack," she said, waving a box of Peeps at him.

"No," he said, without looking away from his computer screen.

"Oh, come on! It'll be fun!"

Jack looked at her. "Historically, those words out of your mouth lead to pain and madness for me."

"And sometimes you end up getting spectacularly laid by twins."

"One time. That happened _one time_. I seriously doubt Peeps are going to lead to me getting laid. And if they did, I'm not sure I'd enjoy it."

Hannah snorted. "You? Not enjoy sex? It's the apocalypse. Someone call Hart—he can finally get an exclusive for that rag he works for."

"I hate you."

"You love me."

Jack shook his head and went back to work, studiously ignoring the noises coming from Hannah's desk.

Until the blue Peep hit his computer screen; which should have been impossible, considering where Hannah was sitting and the position of his monitor. He refused to ask how she had managed the shot, because he knew deep in his soul how she had managed it and, gods damnit, people should not be such good friends with their ex-husband's new husbands; it was unnatural. Jack continued typing; he wanted to get his paperwork done tonight, he had a meeting with Ianto Jones the next morning to go over his upcoming court appearance and he wanted to look his best.

The next blue Peep hit him in the center of his forehead. "The hell, Hannah?!"

"I'm _bored_ ," she said, joyfully biting off the head of a pink Peep.

"Then do your damn paperwork!"

"I've been doing it. For three hours. I need a break or my brain will resort to filling out reports with, 'Bad guy ran. We caught him. Don't know how his kidneys got bruised.'"

"I'd not mention the kidneys; we both know how they got bruised."

Hannah grinned viciously. "Come on, break time!"

"No."

Hannah rolled her eyes. "You're going to need fresh coffee in about two minutes anyway and there is very little chance of this causing an explosion."

"'Very little' is still a chance."

"Live dangerously, Harkness."

"I agreed to partner with you, didn't I?"

"And you've _stayed_ my partner, which says more about you than it does about me," she said, throwing another blue Peep.

He caught it easily and shoved it in his mouth.

"That's my boy. Come on," she said, springing to her feet, two boxes of Peeps clutched in one hand. She snagged Jack's coffee mug in her other. "Off to the break room."

"I'm going to regret this later," Jack muttered as they entered the break room.

"You're probably going to regret it now."

Jack jumped, not having noticed the other occupant of the room. "Jesus, Gray, how long have you been here?"

DS Mordred Gray smirked as he refilled his coffee mug. "You're not the only one terrified of Noble."

Hannah snorted as she snagged the carafe from Gray, filling Jack's mug. "He's in court with Martha tomorrow and he doesn't want to get caught flat-footed on the stand. He's _studying_."

"It's better than your rather colorful testimonies. There's a reason they usually have Harkness testify," Gray replied.

"Yes; a reason I have worked very hard to cultivate. Now," she said, handing Jack his coffee, "Jack and I are going to have fun, so you may want to leave before any joy gets on you."

"Phrasing," Jack said.

Gray moved over to the doorway. "I'll just stay over here so I'm out of the line of fire; possibly literally."

"This is why no one invites you to parties, Gray," Hannah said as she shoved a toothpick into a pink Peep and another into a blue Peep. She turned to Jack with a grin. "Pick your Peep."

"Oh, this is going to end in fire and ruin," Gray said.

"Hush up," Hannah said, wiggling the Peeps at Jack.

"Pink," he said.

Hannah opened the microwave and set the Peeps inside facing each other, then slammed the door shut with a gleeful cackle. "What do you think, Gray? 40 or 50 seconds?"

"Oh, no," he said, waving his mug at her, "that's how you become an accessory. I'll just stay over here next to the fire extinguisher, thank you."

"Spoilsport," she said, keying in 50 seconds. "Ready?" she asked Jack.

"You realize, Harkness, that if you gave into her less, you'd end up in the papers less often," Gray commented.

"Please," Hannah snorted, "Jack doesn't need me to get him naked in public."

"I am aware. And yes, I know the definition of insanity. Let's just get this over with," Jack said.

"And here we go," Hannah said, pressing the start button.

The wheel turned and the Peeps melted as they jousted.

"Come on, Blue!" Hannah yelled.

Jack was fascinated by the activity. For the first 35 seconds, and then, "Why are they smoking? Why are they sparking? HANNAH!"

"I may have put a small bit of filament wire in each one," she said, backing slowly away from the microwave.

"Hannah!" Jack shouted the same time Gray yelled, "Fogg!"

Hannah turned and caught the fire extinguisher Gray tossed her as the microwave gave a mighty _POP_ and burst into flame. She quickly doused the flames and walked over to the ruin. 

"Huh. Pink won."  
***

Three weeks later, Hannah was bored again while doing her reports and, having been banned from the break room on their floor, wandered down two levels and cajoled one of the fraud detectives into a friendly Peep jousting match, which ended with similar results. The next day, the signs appeared, informing everyone that if they allowed Summers-Fogg to use the microwaves break room, they would be stuck with her on their next three surveillance duties and _good luck with that_. To date, replacement costs for equipment in break rooms have gone down drastically.

During a meeting between DI Noble and Greg Lestrade of Scotland Yard, it was discovered that the Yard had heard of these signs and adapted it to their own ends, which finally worked in preventing anyone from allowing Hannah and Sherlock Holmes to be alone together anywhere in the building. 

And the less said about Hannah Summers-Fogg and Q Branch, the better.


End file.
